Ben Hamilton
May 26th, 2021

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A rare picture of Hansen not wearing his mayoral robes (photo: Andrewke)

The year is 2021 AD. Gaul, sorry the Danish islands, is entirely occupied by Mette Frederiksen-rix’s government forces. Well, not entirely …

One small village of indomitable Langelanders still holds out against the invaders. And life is not easy for the federal representatives who garrison the fortified camps of Totorum, Aquarium, Laudanum and Holmegaard … 

So it came to pass that yesterday Langeland mayor Tonni Hansen-ix told TV2 that he felt like “Obelix and Asterix when they beat the Romans” after news broke that the integration and immigration minister, Mattias Tesfaye-ix, had scrapped plans to build a exit centre for criminals marked for deportation at Holmegaard near Bagenkop on the southern tip of the island.

So the sky isn’t falling on Langeland’s head, after all!

READ MORE: Government to establish deportation centre for foreign criminals on island

Rome: no longer free to roam
Tesfaye made his decision following cross-party talks at Folketing, where many MPs see the need for such a centre. The former Blue Bloc government had previously suggested the island of Lindholm near Møn for the purpose, and Dansk Folkeparti somewhere in Greenland!

“It is very clear there is a majority against establishing a new exit centre on Langeland. I have always said I will not persevere if there is not a majority in the Folketing,” he said.

Meanwhile, bus-loads full of Langelanders (fortified by magic potion no doubt) made their voices heard outside the Parliament building yesterday.

Like Hansen, they shared the view that the centre would threaten the island’s recent efforts to establish itself as one of Denmark’s premiere tourist destinations, as it would surely put families off from visiting if they knew 130 criminals marked for deportation were free to roam.

Busloads of Langelanders descended on the capital (photo: Ferran Cornellà)

Happier than Vitalstatistix after he got ‘the shield’ 
Hansen, who thanked seven fellow Funen mayors and “all the friends it turned out we had throughout Denmark” for their support, was not only happy, but grateful.

“I am super happy on behalf of my people. I am grateful on behalf of my people. I am happy because it shows that even a small community, when it finds spirit and unity, can go up against a central power, which I will allow myself to call the government in this matter,” he told TV2.

He was of course alluding to imperial Rome.

And for now, it will continue to house the 130 criminals marked for deportation at Udrejsecenter Kærshovedgård in Ikast-Brande Municipality in central Jutland.