April 21st, 2023

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One-night-stands are stigma free in Denmark, but that doesn’t mean people necessarily enjoy them (photo: Nathan Rupert/Flickr)

Brushing your teeth, emptying the dishwasher or having sex with a stranger are all banal activities in the lives of Danish singles, but the latter can be quite a confusing experience for inbounding expats.

My Moroccan male friend is one of them. On his first night out in the city, he was approached by an attractive blonde girl who offered him a beer, a chat and an irresistible invitation: “Do you want to go to my place or yours?”

All he had to do to get laid was to show up and be pretty. But for how long could he do this? On one of his 4 am rides-of-shame home, he looked around and realised he was just another piece of meat on the one-night-stand guy conveyor belt. 

That night, he came, but with it came feelings of deep emptiness.

Weak male figures
Nicolaj, a local, explains his passive approach to the dating arena. He grew up being constantly corrected when he generalised about gender and frequently reminded he was a ‘nice boy’. The result was he became overly careful about showing alpha traits that could shake up the female environment – the likes of the #MeToo movement.

This in turn exposes Danish girls who are raised by weak male figures. Over time, they lose trust in the men they should be relying upon, and so they take it upon themselves to be STRONG and forward – even to get sex.

Louise, another local friend, has a very detached attitude to sex and loves to tell me her stories. Like the time when on a night out she grabbed a guy and went to the bathroom for some fun, then headed home with another one… all said with an “It’s a no big deal” attitude! She refers to it as her need to “release stress”.

Inner desire is the same
I couldn’t stop but wonder. Have some internationals been conditioned to give sex more importance than it deserves, or have the Danes desensitised it to the extent it’s a cheap practice?

I believe there are differences between the ways the Danes and other nationalities date, but at their core they are all just human beings trying to establish the ‘C word’ –  a CONNECTION with someone.

I never bought into the idea that the sex dynamic in Denmark is to the taste of everyone – even the locals. And after years of living here and working with my clients, I am finally getting answers!

Dating differently
My findings are based on interesting confessions from Danish women – the kind they wouldn’t even dare to share with their friends out of fear of being judged, or of being seen as weak for not wanting to adhere to current dating trends.

They actively seek one-night stands and rush into things too fast … because they do not know any other way. Many wish that men would just man up and go after them.

Girl, here is a question for you: do you feel like today’s dating scene can only function through one-night stands, or do you want to learn to date differently for the sake of building long-lasting connections?