Ben Hamilton
August 20th, 2021

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You’re randomly scrolling through social media and you see a photo of a crossfit fanatic exposing their immaculately toned stomach. “Show off,” you think. 

Thirty seconds later, it’s a labourer with his beer belly out. “It’s an improvement on his builder’s bum,” you scoff.

Another half a minute later and … hang on, is there a pattern to all this exposed skin? Is it Tanuary or Flabruary, or something?

The answer is a resounding ‘Yes’, and it all began at a school in Vejle in central Jutland.

Crop top shocker
Firehøjeskolen has banned students wearing crop tops. 

“Students must stop exposing their stomachs at school,” explained principal Bjarne Kyneb.

“We must ban it to protect the school community. We have to understand that we co-exist in close proximity to one another, and that the wearing of appropriate clothing ensures everyone can concentrate on the school work at hand.”

Solidarity from their seniors
Forget Afghanistan; this has led to an absolute frenzy among celebrity circles, with even former PM Helle Thorning-Schmidt throwing her heavyweight status into the fray.

Louise Kjølsen, Signe Molde, Iben Maria Zeuthen, Louise Kjølsen, Irina Babenko Olsen, Anders Morgenthaler and Marchen Neel Gjertsen have all beaten the drum, and some have even photographed themselves wearing crop tops in solidarity with the poor downtrodden students of Firehøjeskolen.

Sofie Linde, who single-handedly revived the #MeToo movement in Denmark, has even roped hubby Joakim Ingversen into the studio.

“It’s just a belly. And at least it’s not the girls’ responsibility that their school superintendent and the boys in the class can’t concentrate when they see a navel,” she wrote in a post.

Not their responsibility!
Psychologist Louise Kjølsen offered some reasoned critique of the school’s stance.

“It is completely absurd that in 2021 in Denmark we are discussing girls’ stomachs from the viewpoint it is the girls’ responsibility to cover up so that the boys can concentrate,” she wrote on Instagram. 

“This is the same as when you say that if you wear a short dress, it is your own fault that you are raped. No-one has ever said that boys are not allowed to take off their shirts when they play football in the schoolyard on a hot summer’s day, because the girls cannot concentrate.”

Permitted in the Bronze Age
And even Nationalmuseet, the national museum, has entered the debate, claiming that ancient Danes were  wearing them 3,500 years ago in the Bronze Age.

“We should remember that the Egtved Girl ALSO wears a belly blouse, and that she has become too old to be dictated to by anyone,” it wrote on Facebook.

Of course, times have changed since 1370 BC … and since the 1930s and 40s!

“Up through the 1930s it was debated whether she could be an erotic belly dancer, and in the 1940s she even got a petticoat on some drawings of her so one could not see through the strings of her skirt,” it added.

Somewhere among the fur is an exposed navel and an angry Bronze Age woman! (photo: Nationalmuseet Facebook page)